Stress often shows in physical symptoms: nothing new there. Living for a sustained period at a higher stress level than normal for me however has made me appreciate how easy it is to judge others lifestyles as ‘healthy’ or ‘unhealthy’ from a position of ignorance. We all “know” if we want to be healthy most of us need certain tickboxes addressing – though what each of these boxes will look like and their weighting of importance will vary from person to person:
- Physical health: nutrition, exercise, outdoors time
- Mental health: education, brain engagement, hobbies, balance between work, home, social and self demands
- Social health: time with family, friends and people who have a positive influence on our mood
It is not unusual for us to judge our own and other’s health by physical appearance, especially when we’re feeling insecure about our own health and fearing others have noticed. We can easily assume the slim, toned figure in the business suit with perfectly coiffed hair is fully in control of their life while the dragged-through-hedge hair and tracksuit combo shoving crisps in their face clearly has some work to do. What we can’t see is the business suit may be suffering from anorexia brought on by stress, and the tracksuit may be too busy having a great time to bother with a hairbrush and hasn’t noticed us or the business suit at all.
For myself, I’m finding as I try to make a sustained effort to choose healthily for myself, it’s very clear my body is still struggling from stress and as such those ‘healthy choices’ are not manifesting physically for me yet. I’ve eaten well (rather than just lots) for a month which would normally see me lose between 6-8lb and have fluctuated within the same 2lb variance on the scales for the whole time. I’ve been exercising for 10-20 minutes 5-6x a week mixing cardio, strength and stretches on different days: I feel a difference in my muscles and mentally it’s a lot easier, but my overall shape isn’t changing and neither are my energy levels improving with this combination of exercise and nutrition.
I am forced to acknowledge my stress symptoms are still present: tension headaches, the urge to compulsively eat anything just to chew until my jaws ache, the general agitation around certain topics and almost phobia of mixing with people in a social setting. Still being stressed will be affecting my digestion and endochrine (hormone) systems and impacting my physical response to all stimuli in an abnormal way: including how I hold water or energy in my cells and how I recover after physical and mental exertion.
Recovery is important to factor into a healthy lifestyle, and it’s important to know what that looks like to each one of us. I’m not going to spend ages writing about the differences between introverts and extroverts and the different things they need to make them feel like themselves again after battery-draining situations. There are plenty of more competent people than me to do that on the internet or in an assortment of books (I like Quiet by Susan Cain).
Suffice to say as a generalisation; extroverts feel refreshed by social activities engaging with other people in a positive setting such as a family BBQ, a party or taking part in a busy sports event, whereas introverts need some time alone to have the same effect, be it actively participating in a walk or yoga somewhere quiet, having a nap or curling up with a book or movie.
My husband and I are both introverts – we recharge with alone time. While enjoying social time, we cannot be exposed to it without a break for sustained periods without draining our energy batteries and making us tired and grumpy people to be around.
When Peter is worn out from a long day/week/month at work he will spend hours sitting in front of the PC watching YouTube videos. Caring about his health, it’s easy for me to be concerned with this ‘vegetating’ to pass the time as being unhealthy but this is actually because even with us both being introverts we have very different hobbies and enjoy different activities.
The ready availability of particulary screened entertainments such as YouTube, Netflex, Sky, Facebook, Pintrest, etc. can make it very easy to fall into a rabbithole. I usually only use these services if I’m looking to specifically watch something or if I’m deliberately just killing time and it’s therefore very easy for me to disdain these activities as ‘passive’ because it is important to me to feel I’ve ‘achieved’ something with my time I measure this achievement in terms of whether I learned something (online learning or reading a new book), produced something (crafts or jigsaws) or improved something (gardening, housework, even computer gaming).
I had been making suggestions for other things Peter could do, but he was very clear sitting watching these streamers is how he unwinds and relaxes. This is not just about having some noise on to pass the time for him. I have made a concerted effort in my head since to identify his habits as “following Manchester United” or “gaming – playing or watching” so I don’t mentally belittle activities he genuinely enjoys simply because they’re not a way I would spend more than short periods of my time.
Recognising our own recharging method, and those of others around us, is important for our health but it can sometimes be hard to recognise particularly in someone else. This also loops back to recognising someone’s ‘health’ from our perception of them: eating healthily and exercising regularly will not necessarily result in looking like an athlete, taking care in our appearance doesn’t mean we aren’t a bawling mess in our own heads, and being able to manage everything (or at least seem like we are) doesn’t necessarily mean we should.
The lesson for me this week has been we can really only judge what WE need for ourselves to be healthy – even those with whom we have much in common will not need the same buttons ticked to recharge, and that health is not something we can perceive in other people in a snap judgement. Intimacy and openness between all parties are required to have the foggiest idea what’s going on in another’s head.
A Life of Well 