August 2021 – A Life of Well

Money for Nothing

Money is something in modern society we all need and use. An odd statement for something which has only as much value as we allocate to it, while having none in its own right – you cannot survive on money without anything available to trade it for. No matter how much water you can buy with that note at home, in the desert it will bring you none.

We can exchange our funds for physical objects to help us survive, knowledge to enrich us or experiences to bring us joy, but it’s also often seen as a major cause of stress. I have been considering this week that often it is not the money itself we are concerned about, but thinking about it frequently is a sign of a desire for change somewhere in our lives. A desperate want for more money is a plea for a better availability for more of the things we need such as food, water and heating in our lives – an indication our basic needs as living things are not being met. A frenetic spending of money can be a search for fulfillment or contentment not being met wirth our current life structure or social circle.

When we are ticking along in our groove with our needs met and ourselves fulfilled, money is not something which is strongly on the radar. Catching ourselves thinking around money can be a sign something is out of balance and we are craving change. We can use whether we think we can afford something or not as an excuse holding us back from making changes we are afraid of, or spend recklessly on a new car, a household gadget, a training course which will make us “better” as if this magically equals “happier” or “safer”.

I’ve caught myself doing this over the last few weeks: I’ve bought a robot vacuum so the house is easier to clean to help reduce stress levels (in reality I may find it more therapeutic doing the cleaning myself!), I’ve signed up to two rather expensive training courses; one I believe will make my CV more attractive, and the other is ‘for me’ – a search for myself in a hobby I’ve always wanted to try. I have a couple of options for my career I am exploring at the moment – I then look at my bank account and worry I haven’t got enough in savings to contemplate looking at going into contracting as one of my options: double the hourly wage potential, but uncertainty as to regular work availability, pensions, holiday time and an increase in household expenses around vehicles and fuel with the added guilt of increased ecological burden.

Walls

Living builds walls around us, keeping us on a certain course – some we create ourselves and others are put there by the systems within which we exist. Some may be a small fence – easy to step over and even quite pretty, not begrudged at all, a mere marking of boundaries. Others may feel like a 10ft solid stone wall topped with barbed wire impossible for us to ascend. These walls are fluid – they can grow and shrink, appear and topple with situation, company or mood.

Obligations by nature put demands upon us. These can be for our time, money, thoughts, energy and can be entirely voluntary or come from other people, society, living needs or occupation. In times of stress, be these transient or chronic, it can feel like these needs or musts often from outside are crowding us in and leaving us no space for wants or needs of our own.

From my own experience, mental health is improved by feeling we are in control of something, and this is particularly important in times of stress. When the demands upon us exceed the resources available to tackle them it is easy to feel controlled by rather than in control, and this makes us feel we either buckle and sink under it all, or lash out desperate to prove we have some say and take out at least one of these pressures.

Depending on the nature or duration of the stressors and where they sit in our priorities at that time will affect what we cut when we lash out. It may be our education is non-negotiable, so we cut the relationship we tell ourselves isn’t working for us anymore, or maybe our relationships are top of the importance list so we change our jobs or our homes. We may feel hemmed in and express control by throwing everything out – removing clutter and purging it from our homes so our eyes at least tell us we’ve got something in hand, or we may feel unfulfilled and try to fill the space with more things or more pets hoping it brings us back into balance again.

Mindset Eating

I feel very privileged to live in a part of the world where I get to consider the various labels and ethoses we build up around the way we eat, rather than having to eat only what’s available and hoping it’s enough to get me through the day.

Many of us have an odd relationship with food in the Western world. It’s fuel, entertainment, a bonding experience, comfort, compulsion and forms a substantial part of the structure of our day – regardless how ‘healthy’ the lens viewing each individual’s relationship is. All of us require nutrients in some form or another to continue existing, but food has become something of personal, social and global importance and carries more influence with it than simply powering our bodies through the day.

	Variables
Personal	Health – allergies/medical conditions/etc. Personal flavour prefences Ethos (including re. degree of processing in manufacture, food logging, etc.) Confidence in the kitchen Time
Social	Family circle personal preferences Religion or culture Peer pressure (particularly re. cooking or food brands)
Global	Environmental impacts Animal welfare Global warming contribution Availability and distribution

I find myself wanting to change my relationship with food predominently from a personal health perspective – I have caught myself stress-eating sweets again, and would like to improve my physical health (weight, gut-health, energy) – but I want to make a conscious decision as to what direction I take that relationship in and how it aligns with my evolving beliefs.

I have always preferred to try to make theoretically sustainable lifestyle changes to my eating – I’m not one for crash dieting to try and lose a few lbs first in a way which is not healthy to do for more than a few weeks, and I am not a fan of ‘cleanses’ either – that’s what half my inner organs are for. Clearly the fact I’m here having this conversation with myself again shows I’m not so good at the ‘sustainable’ part of my lifestyle eating habits.

Manifestations of Health

Stress often shows in physical symptoms: nothing new there. Living for a sustained period at a higher stress level than normal for me however has made me appreciate how easy it is to judge others lifestyles as ‘healthy’ or ‘unhealthy’ from a position of ignorance. We all “know” if we want to be healthy most of us need certain tickboxes addressing – though what each of these boxes will look like and their weighting of importance will vary from person to person:

Physical health: nutrition, exercise, outdoors time
Mental health: education, brain engagement, hobbies, balance between work, home, social and self demands
Social health: time with family, friends and people who have a positive influence on our mood

It is not unusual for us to judge our own and other’s health by physical appearance, especially when we’re feeling insecure about our own health and fearing others have noticed. We can easily assume the slim, toned figure in the business suit with perfectly coiffed hair is fully in control of their life while the dragged-through-hedge hair and tracksuit combo shoving crisps in their face clearly has some work to do. What we can’t see is the business suit may be suffering from anorexia brought on by stress, and the tracksuit may be too busy having a great time to bother with a hairbrush and hasn’t noticed us or the business suit at all.

For myself, I’m finding as I try to make a sustained effort to choose healthily for myself, it’s very clear my body is still struggling from stress and as such those ‘healthy choices’ are not manifesting physically for me yet. I’ve eaten well (rather than just lots) for a month which would normally see me lose between 6-8lb and have fluctuated within the same 2lb variance on the scales for the whole time. I’ve been exercising for 10-20 minutes 5-6x a week mixing cardio, strength and stretches on different days: I feel a difference in my muscles and mentally it’s a lot easier, but my overall shape isn’t changing and neither are my energy levels improving with this combination of exercise and nutrition.

I am forced to acknowledge my stress symptoms are still present: tension headaches, the urge to compulsively eat anything just to chew until my jaws ache, the general agitation around certain topics and almost phobia of mixing with people in a social setting. Still being stressed will be affecting my digestion and endochrine (hormone) systems and impacting my physical response to all stimuli in an abnormal way: including how I hold water or energy in my cells and how I recover after physical and mental exertion.