minimalism – A Life of Well

Walls

Living builds walls around us, keeping us on a certain course – some we create ourselves and others are put there by the systems within which we exist. Some may be a small fence – easy to step over and even quite pretty, not begrudged at all, a mere marking of boundaries. Others may feel like a 10ft solid stone wall topped with barbed wire impossible for us to ascend. These walls are fluid – they can grow and shrink, appear and topple with situation, company or mood.

Obligations by nature put demands upon us. These can be for our time, money, thoughts, energy and can be entirely voluntary or come from other people, society, living needs or occupation. In times of stress, be these transient or chronic, it can feel like these needs or musts often from outside are crowding us in and leaving us no space for wants or needs of our own.

From my own experience, mental health is improved by feeling we are in control of something, and this is particularly important in times of stress. When the demands upon us exceed the resources available to tackle them it is easy to feel controlled by rather than in control, and this makes us feel we either buckle and sink under it all, or lash out desperate to prove we have some say and take out at least one of these pressures.

Depending on the nature or duration of the stressors and where they sit in our priorities at that time will affect what we cut when we lash out. It may be our education is non-negotiable, so we cut the relationship we tell ourselves isn’t working for us anymore, or maybe our relationships are top of the importance list so we change our jobs or our homes. We may feel hemmed in and express control by throwing everything out – removing clutter and purging it from our homes so our eyes at least tell us we’ve got something in hand, or we may feel unfulfilled and try to fill the space with more things or more pets hoping it brings us back into balance again.

Building New Habits

Definitions of habit according to the Merriam-Webster online dictionary

hab·it | \ ˈha-bət \

1 : a settled tendency or usual manner of behavior

2a : an acquired mode of behavior that has become nearly or completely involuntary
b : addiction
c : a behavior pattern acquired by frequent repetition or physiologic exposure that shows itself in regularity or increased facility of performance

My first car was a VW Polo. It had a tracking issue with the front tyres which was looked at in several different garage and tyre-changing places, but noone seemed to be able to do more than improve it. As a result if left to its own devices the steering wheel would rest at about 11 o’clock – it would naturally pull left. Regular motorway driving led me into the habit of driving with only my right hand on the steering wheel, where the weight of my hand would pull the wheel straight.

Two cars and about 8 years later with no tracking problems, and I have to make a very conscious effort to overlearn this behaviour and keep both hands on the wheel and actively think about ’10 and 2′ whenever I get in the car. This ‘habit’ has left me with a right shoulder which is rounded forward and affects my posture in a negative way – I have to work to stretch it out and straighten up!

The point which has been solidifying in my head this week is establishing new habits or over-writing existing ones is an active process which requires diligence and energy. I often think the health of my lifestyle moves in peaks and troughs – I get all these good ‘habits’ when everything’s ticking along nicely, but as soon as things get busy or something comes up they go out the window and it takes me weeks or months to pick them back up again. Even when I’m succeeding in healthy behaviour for an extended period, it isn’t sustained or easy enough for it to be a habit: It requires a constant injection of energy from me, and when the energy is not there the activity disappears from my day.

I re-read Atomic Habits by James Clear again recently, and signed up to his 30 day program – the emails are very similar to the content of the book, but having them land in my inbox every few days gives me a reminder of what I’m trying to establish. He gives advice about habit stacking and habit triggers, but the overarching message at least for starting out is:

Make it as easy as possible.

The Seeds of Minimalism

If you prefer to listen than read, push play!

For my husband’s 30th birthday a few years ago I booked us into a small cottage in Jedburgh for a night. It was a small single-storey property with one bedroom, a hallway, living room, kitchen and bathroom. It didn’t even have space for a dining room table for two – just a breakfast bar with stools along one wall of the small kitchen. Going to a property with only the essentials and a few creature comforts, be it a caravan, hotel or holiday home always seems to make life look so much simpler, and while we were there I was wondering why people didn’t live in such a small properties anymore – or even (without any real urge to do so), could we? Houses seem to be getting bigger even as households get smaller but they don’t seem to feel any more spacious.

What had struck me was the absolute lack of clutter. The property was set up for short-term stays; there were no bottles in the bathroom because the owner brought them in when they cleaned it and took them away again. There was no storage space for hobbies, winter coats, formal wear – it had room for the everyday essentials and that was it. Did it make me want to sell my detatched house and move to a one bedroom flat in the country? No. Did I come home wondering how I could get that low-stress holiday feel in my own home? Definitely. Even before knowing what minimalism was, that seed and craving for less clutter in my home was planted and things started to move slowly out the door.