Money is something in modern society we all need and use. An odd statement for something which has only as much value as we allocate to it, while having none in its own right – you cannot survive on money without anything available to trade it for. No matter how much water you can buy with that note at home, in the desert it will bring you none.
We can exchange our funds for physical objects to help us survive, knowledge to enrich us or experiences to bring us joy, but it’s also often seen as a major cause of stress. I have been considering this week that often it is not the money itself we are concerned about, but thinking about it frequently is a sign of a desire for change somewhere in our lives. A desperate want for more money is a plea for a better availability for more of the things we need such as food, water and heating in our lives – an indication our basic needs as living things are not being met. A frenetic spending of money can be a search for fulfillment or contentment not being met wirth our current life structure or social circle.
When we are ticking along in our groove with our needs met and ourselves fulfilled, money is not something which is strongly on the radar. Catching ourselves thinking around money can be a sign something is out of balance and we are craving change. We can use whether we think we can afford something or not as an excuse holding us back from making changes we are afraid of, or spend recklessly on a new car, a household gadget, a training course which will make us “better” as if this magically equals “happier” or “safer”.
I’ve caught myself doing this over the last few weeks: I’ve bought a robot vacuum so the house is easier to clean to help reduce stress levels (in reality I may find it more therapeutic doing the cleaning myself!), I’ve signed up to two rather expensive training courses; one I believe will make my CV more attractive, and the other is ‘for me’ – a search for myself in a hobby I’ve always wanted to try. I have a couple of options for my career I am exploring at the moment – I then look at my bank account and worry I haven’t got enough in savings to contemplate looking at going into contracting as one of my options: double the hourly wage potential, but uncertainty as to regular work availability, pensions, holiday time and an increase in household expenses around vehicles and fuel with the added guilt of increased ecological burden.
The underlying reason behind the stories I tell myself of what I’ll do if A happens, and what my backup is if it doesn’t, and why I should just stay where I am is a search for professional validation, though it could be for any emotional lack. We all want to feel valued and of worth in any aspect of our lives involving ourselves or others and when that worth can be seen mirrored in others treatment of us, when it doesn’t appear to be there it’s easy to lash out and clamour for a new situation where we can achieve that self-validation.
This is not to say that the want for change is all in our heads and we should muscle through it and make ourselves be content with our current lot: change can be healthy, only through change can we grow. It is however important to be honest with why we want to change, and what aspect we are looking to alter to be able to review our options with as open eyes as possible and give ourselves the best chance of moving forwards, rather than to more of the same in a different place. Is it ourselves that need to change to improve the situation, can we minimise the disruption by having the courage to have that conversation we need but do not want to have with our boss or our partner, is friction in one area of our life actually because we feel overburdened in another but cannot change this aspect.
Money should not be one of the big cogs in the machines of our lives: it is the grease that gives us choices and lets us move with as little friction as possible in the direction we want to go. It is a tool – one with value, but only of as much use as the ambition of the hand that wields it: whether it be for supporting our families, growing our homes, donating to charity or losing down the drain as we run for the last bus.
A Life of Well 